Friday Civics Microdose
Friday Civics Microdose
Why teaching kids to have hard conversations is a foundational civic skill
My early memories of “taboo” subjects are all over the place. I remember being 7 or 8, hearing about sex from kids at school, asking someone (not my parents) what it meant, and all I remember is something to do with bears in the woods. Reagan was president when I was born and Bush Sr. was in office until I was 8, and that’s how I knew my dad was a Republican. I remember being absolutely eviscerated by a friend’s mom when I was 10 for saying anyone who didn’t believe in God was probably going to hell (yikes).
Whether sex, politics or religion, sometimes it’s just about who gets there first.
Which brings me to our second civics microdose, on why leaning into tough conversations - early and often - is one of Lindsey Cormack’s 5 foundational skills that parents and kids need to know about civics.
The good news: kids still trust their parents
Corruption, distrust, misinformation - these are daily words orbiting politics, and politics is flashy - which is why we automatically think politics when someone brings up the idea of civics.
My theory is this: while politics feels conceptually exhausting and the associated vocabulary is disempowering, civics is the opposite.
The word “civics” comes from the Latin word civicus, meaning “pertaining to the citizens”. It’s ABOUT US.
In a democratic republic like the United States, it’s government for the people, by the people. It’s about how we want to be governed, who we decide represents our values and ideals, and how we live and work and thrive together in a shared society.
The root cause of our civic spiral is really simple. We can’t exercise rights we don’t fully understand, nor can we practice collective responsibility if it isn’t a value that we (first) learn and (then) live.
As Lindsey points out in How to Raise a Citizen, it’s hard to trust something you don’t know a lot about. We have decades of data that show how plunging levels of civic education neatly corresponds with a pervasive decline in trust, not only in government institutions, but organizations, corporations, and each other.
This is yet another reason why parents are in pole position for reversing the trend for our kids. As Lindsey summed it up for me:
We know over time we’ve had this enormous erosion of trust in all sorts of institutions, but we do not have a sense that kids don't trust their parents. The sort of blind trust that happens from child to parent still exists, and because we are their most immediate, trusted connection, it’s why we’re first in line to do this work.
The goal is for parents to “focus on establishing a a baseline of knowledge and encouraging our children to contemplate fundamental questions…while teaching them how to have conversations on difficult subjects.”
My two year old already knows he can shout “Hey, Google!” in the car and the right song will start playing. I know I’ll blink and he’s not going to be strapped into a carseat asking for Here Comes the Sun, but that’s why the good news is we’re not only capable of equipping our kids with civic agency - we’re the best ones to do it.
More civics at the dinner table
As the generation that grew up being told not to talk about politics at dinner, this is an extremely difficult thing for earnest, data-driven millennial parents to understand. But amongst our children, especially, it’s important. And hopefully once we figure it out at home, we can practice out in the world.
One thing to keep in mind is we don’t have to know everything before we start getting into tough conversations. If we operate from a baseline of curiosity, we might even discover that learning together is not only more impactful, but can even be a meaningful way to connect with each other.
Lindsey maps out three things to keep in mind as you find opportunities to lean into difficult conversations with kids:
Recognize the pivotal role parents have in shaping the way our kids learn and engage in politics. In the earliest, most formative years, our kids spend most of their time with us, and we’re often their primary portal for interpreting and engaging with the world. It’s really as simple as letting them know that you’re open to talking about something they might assume you don’t have an interest in, or may not want to get into. These are the types of conversations that shape the way our kids prepare to be functional people who can tolerantly disagree, collaborate, compromise, all the things we care about in the EQ realm. If possible, encourage them to be open to different perspectives and acknowledge how complex and hard these issues are.
Restraining negativity is more important than you think. At the same time, modeling conviction and strong opinions is equally important, but it’s all about the delivery. It’s OK to be clear about things you don’t agree with. Kids need to see that, too.
Figure out a way to “humanize” government. This one can be as simple as learning who your local reps are and taking your kid to meet them. It sounds basic, but if kids begin to see the makeup of government as real people they can talk to, civic engagement becomes much more tangible and less theoretical.
I’ll leave you with an anecdote that I found really helpful. Lindsey talks about how we often hear calls for a “national conversation” when it comes to policies that affect all of us, whether it’s the FDA or gun control, or everything in between. But in reality, a “national conversation” doesn’t just happen; rather, it’s a set of smaller conversations happening all over the country, at the dinner table with our families, at a coffee shop with friends, at a school meeting with other parents. We’re all critical pieces of the national conversation. It’s part of why I feel like Lindsey’s book is so important, and why I love getting to share her wisdom with you here.
A grace-filled macrodose
If you have PTSD from too many charged political conversations and need some life-affirming, soulful reading on this topic before you can dive in with your sweet kids, my favorite ladies over at
have written two books on this very topic.
In their first book, I Think You're Wrong (But I'm Listening): A Guide to Grace-Filled Political Conversations, Sarah and Beth make a vivid case for why we need to cultivate healthy disagreement and practice the art of conversation over talking points:
If the ramifications of political conversation ended at even the most contentious dinner table, or if these uncomfortable situations were simply a cable television drama that we could turn off, our instincts to confirm our beliefs and avoid any conversations that challenge them wouldn’t be so dangerous. Perhaps we could continue on the path of tuning out the cacophony of political debate. But the reality is that we cannot opt out of the real consequences of politics in our lives. Politics becomes policy, and policy is the road map for the more than five hundred thousand elected officials who make decisions every single day — decisions that determine the roads we drive on, the schools our children attend, the wars we wage, and the taxes we pay. When we struggle at all levels to get anything done… it is our daily lives that are affected. This dysfunction isn’t what we want for our children, and it shouldn’t be what we want for ourselves.
Have a great weekend and more soon,
Sarah