A Mindset of Civic Friendship

And a resolution to post more in 2024.

After two back-to-back trips to New York this month, I spent the past week savoring every quiet moment at home in LA. I needed the holiday bustle of New York (maybe not twice in 3 weeks) just as much as I needed to be back here, baking Rice Krispy treats with my son and falling asleep to the same episode of The Morning Show three nights in a row.

Even though I wanted to work in film for as long as I can remember, I was convinced I’d never live in California. Now we’ve been here for almost two years. Part of me will always feel more at home in a small New York apartment, but one of the best things about trying out life outside of New York City is a big dining table.

Soon after we moved, a close family friend started inviting us to these gorgeous Shabbat dinners. Those Friday nights filled with delicious food, new people and lots of wine made me feel rooted here in a way nothing else did. Now we host our own Shabbat dinners. I learned to make challah and I’m developing a reputation for brisket. On occasion, our California-sized dining table isn’t big enough.

The word “fellowship” has always made me uneasy. I grew up in a megachurch and the etymology of certain words will forever be imbued with that lens. But ending the week with neighbors, colleagues, old friends and new friends is my own version of spirituality, and a new tradition I look forward to bringing with me into 2024.

Moving to a new city and starting a new job at 6 months pregnant reframed my thoughts on connection. It’s true that it’s harder to make friends as you get older, but lifelong friendships, if we’re lucky enough to have them, don’t preclude other forms of connection that feed different parts of us. Parenthood opens us up. Whether we’re ready to embrace this vulnerability or not, this is the journey we’re on — one where we have to make sense of things we’d otherwise prefer not to think about and learn to speak in a different, more nuanced language.

I’m not an avid reader of C.S. Lewis but his perspective on politics and civic friendship resonate with me. Lewis saw politics as instrumental to allowing us to experience the things in life that are most important to us. He didn’t advocate for politics to consume our lives. Rather, he acknowledged that a healthy political system is foundational to allowing us to lead fulfilling lives, and that the practice of civic friendship — caring for the good of others, even if there’s not necessarily something directly in it for us, or our families — is something we should all aspire to for the collective good of humanity.

In the new year, I’m going to pepper in some foundational knowledge I’ve personally found grounding in my own rediscovery of “civics”. It’s a delicate balance to strike but I think we’ll find our way to what works. I’ll also leave you with things I’ve found to be especially helpful in my own journey of rediscovering civics and feeling more engaged.

Wishing you all a restful holiday season and thanks for being on this journey with me.

More soon,

Sarah