I get that the ability to compare yourself to other parents wasn’t as readily available as it is now was a good thing, but unless you completely rejected socializing your kid, there had to be IRL sizing up going on. Which actually sounds less toxic in a way, because no one could stage how perfect their parenting was, unlike the present ability to filter parenthood through a seemingly rosy Instagram lens.

I do not know how our parents did it.

Take Dr. Becky for example. If my kid (or yours, it could be any of ours OK!) is in a hitting phase, all I have to do is go to my Good Inside app and find the course modules that focus specifically on hitting. When I was undoubtedly hitting my preschool cohorts back in 1986-87, my parents would have had to dust off a 500-page parenting book, or worse, go to the library, find the parenting section (if there was one?) and muddle through a table of contents or, god forbid, an index to find the pages on hitting (because indeed, it may not have been neatly covered in a single chapter).

We are living in a golden age of parenting where information is readily available, but it’s a rose and a thorn. It’s largely how I feel about being able to find out anything that’s happening in the world in real time. I don’t know if I’m happier or more well-adjusted. Does being well-informed automatically mean being happier? I know the answer to that is no.

Since I was faithfully writing this Substack, my son has become a person. It feels like he went from sippy cups to getting his driver’s license. He’s almost four and suddenly beginning to understand things that I was only abstractly writing about, like compassion, and kindness, and tolerance. It is freaking me out.

Tomorrow, I start a project that I believe in wholeheartedly and wouldn’t have been ready for were it not for the two women I’ve signed on to do it with. Stay tuned for more, but I will leave you with this: if millennial parents can jump on the gentle parenting bandwagon, and then (as we all do) naturally find the rhythm of what does and doesn’t work for you or your child, then the idea of “civic parenting” — what I’ve tried to explore over the last 2+ years since I started Civic EQ — is an equally worthwhile endeavor for millennial parents to try on. It won’t all be for you, but the parts that will, will land in just the right way.

More very soon,

x Sarah

I don’t know about you, but I feel so beyond helpless when it comes to anything outside of my immediate sphere. When an opportunity like this to take control of the narrative comes my way — that I can do in sweats from my couch — I jump. Settle in with a glass of wine (or two) and come away with civic parenting wisdom from the person who knows it best.

The Zoom is hosted by the League of Women Voters of New Castle County.

More information below and the link to register is here.

If you read my October post “The Adulthood Edit” — the one where I pitched my novel as a therapized The Devil Wears Prada — you already know that I wrote a book called Soft Launch. It’s a New York-set, “coming of adulthood” story about reinvention, messy beginnings, and figuring life out as you go, written for anyone who’s ever felt like “real life” started a little later than expected.

But the big update is that my book was just released on January 1 as an Amazon First Reads!!!

“First Reads” is Amazon’s version of an editor’s pick. They select 8 titles each month and release them on Kindle (or the Kindle app, if you don’t have a Kindle) a month before the actual publication date.

Having newly immersed myself in the labyrinthian worlds of Booktok and Bookstagram, I’m reporting back that even the most informed readers seem to be surprised when they find out Amazon gives away a free book every month to Prime members.

And this month, they’re letting members pick TWO books, FOR FREE!

It felt right to share this moment with my Substack community, even though admittedly, there is ZERO civic content anywhere in all 315 pages of this book. Looking back, I suppose I could have at least had my protagonist going to the polls, or making some wildly progressive political statements, but alas that would have been another book entirely. Stay tuned.

I’m also here with a renewed ask for your help launching a strong pre-order campaign.

Pre-orders matter so much for debuts. They help with bookstore placement, visibility, and early press, and determine whether something becomes a bestseller, and I would be so grateful for your support.

Here are a few other places it’s available to pre-order other than Amazon:

Bookshop.org - Bookshop supports local, independent bookstores while still allowing you to conveniently shop online.

Barnes & Noble - did anyone see the headlines over the holidays that B&N is opening 60 new stores in 2026? I know it’s not the same as small, indie bookstores - but seems like a good sign for reading??

Chevalier’s Books - my local, independent bookstore (and the oldest independent bookstore in Los Angeles!)

Thank you so much for subscribing to Civic EQ and being part of my publishing journey.

More soon,

Sarah

I turned 40 last December (not the announcement or the confession), and the universe answered with a book deal (announcement!!). I’ve been swimming in the editorial process since the spring, and like many other things, civics went on the back burner (confession).

Here’s what happened. I sh*t you not, this is a publishing fairytale.

When I first moved to NYC, I was newly divorced, an actual baby (still in my 20s) and hell bent on making something of myself. I wanted desperately to become an entertainment lawyer. I felt like I was living someone else’s life, because it was SUCH a different life from the one I had before. I went from a very young marriage, to three very intense years of law school, to wanting to be Carrie Bradshaw in a power suit.

I remember the exact moment I opened my laptop and started writing. I was living in my Carrie Bradshaw-era studio apartment on Perry Street in the West Village (literally opposite Carrie’s brownstone in the show, still pinch me).

I had just watched the movie adaptation of Emily Giffin’s novel Something Borrowed and I was feeling every.single.ounce of my career girl in NYC chapter with a dose of loneliness, because the city got lonely in those early days. I started writing a book about a woman who gets married and divorced in her twenties, then moves to New York to start over. Little did I know that the ending of the book was still years away. I had to live the story first.

But I did. And as I lived it, I wrote it. Not all of it, of course. The ten-year journey to becoming — not finding myself, but creating myself — is in this book.

I finished writing the second half during Covid, and finished it in 2021. I had just started the process of querying literary agents (exhilarating! painful! humbling!) when I suddenly got pregnant, learned we were moving to LA, and decided to get married before we left New York. The manuscript went into a metaphorical drawer and I didn’t think about it again until last year, when someone who I now owe everything to emailed me out of the blue asking if I’d ever sold my book. The publisher bought it in January and it will be released February 1, 2026.

It’s called Soft Launch, and it’s a story I think you’ll love: a love letter to reinvention, New York, and new beginnings, told from the heart.

Here’s what the book is about, in the publisher’s own words (with some of mine):

In her captivating debut, author Sarah Vacchiano tells an exciting “coming of adulthood” story about a young woman who takes a bold new path in her early thirties, leaving her old life—and starter marriage—behind.

When Sam walked herself down the aisle at the age of 22, she never imagined wanting more than the life she had in that moment.  Seven years later, with the ink still drying on both her law degree and her divorce papers, she arrives in Manhattan ready to start adulthood over and chase her dreams of becoming an entertainment lawyer, determined to prove to herself that upending her life was worth it.

As Sam navigates the high-pressure world of Big Law– heady and demanding, and full of magnetic and powerful people – she finds an unexpected ally in her charming, supportive officemate, Charlie. But just as he begins to tear down the walls Sam has built around herself, she lands her first big client, a “Poker Princess” facing federal charges for running high-stakes games for Hollywood’s elite and discovers just how high-stakes “fake it till you make it” can be when you’ve given up everything to become someone new. 

Emotionally nuanced and delightfully frothy, Soft Launch is a sharp, witty novel that explores the messy reality of starting over and asks whether life is about finding ourselves, or about the power to reinvent ourselves.

Having written a book about reinvention, I’m now having to reinvent myself again, this time as a debut author. Soft Launch is newly available to pre-order, and pre-orders matter so much for debut authors. I also sold this book unagented, which means I am my own agent, and if I make that mental distinction it’s a lot easier to put myself out there.

I’ve also decided that TikTok probably isn’t the marketing outlet for me… but not before I unleashed this gem into the algorithm!

So instead of making reels, I’m going to tell you reasons why I think you’ll love this book.

If you love books about women finding themselves between deadlines and downtown apartments, this book is for you!

If your early 2000s DVD collection looked like this, you will love this book.

If you’ve ever quit a job, left a relationship, cut your hair or dreamed about moving to New York to start over, this book is for you!

If adulthood came with a few more rewrites than you expected, this book will totally land.

If you were flipping through JANE magazine & sipping bodega coffee at any point in your life, Soft Launch will be a fun read.

If you can’t wait for the sequel to this classic, Soft Launch comes out a full THREE MONTHS before THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA 2!

Thank you for reading this Substack, hopefully reading Soft Launch, and forgiving my civics lapse.

More soon,

Sarah

There are some things Gus won’t ever learn from me (anything STEM-related) and I’m so thankful for teachers who can take these lessons off my plate.

The Sandra Day O’Connor Institute recently released a report that concluded most teachers are uncomfortable teaching civics in the classroom, and as a parent, I think it’s worth a read.

Why Are Teachers Uncomfortable Teaching Civics? offers an urgent diagnosis of the discomfort and disorientation many civics teachers report when asked to teach the very subject they were hired to deliver. The policy brief's central finding: K–12 civics teachers across the country feel underprepared, unsupported, and increasingly afraid to teach vital material.

Back to School, Ahead of America’s 250th: New Sandra Day O’Connor Institute Report Reveals Why Civics Teachers Are Uncomfortable Teaching Civics

Survey: Nearly 80% of Civics Teachers Have Self-Censored in the Classroom

The Sandra Day O’Connor Institute today released a new policy brief, Why Are Teachers Uncomfortable Teaching Civics?, offering an urgent diagnosis of the discomfort and disorientation many civics teachers report when asked to teach the very subject they were hired to deliver.

The report’s central finding: K–12 civics teachers across the country feel underprepared, unsupported, and increasingly afraid to teach vital material.

Based on original survey data collected by the O’Connor Institute from highly experienced civics educators nationwide, the brief reveals that:

· Almost 80% of civics teachers say they have self-censored in class due to fear of pushback or controversy.

· Nearly 86% report that fear of controversy is a primary challenge to teaching civics today.

· Fewer than one in five teachers surveyed say they receive clear guidance from their school or district on what they are allowed to teach.

These findings underscore a troubling dynamic: in today’s political climate, civics teachers are not only unsure of how best to teach—they’re unsure whether they’ll be supported if they do.

“This report makes clear that we can’t expect civics teachers to do their job well if we don’t prepare and support them,” said Philip L. Francis, co-chair of the Institute’s Board of Directors. “We need to give them the tools, the clarity, and the backing to teach with confidence.”

The brief outlines four primary reasons for this discomfort:

1. Inadequate Preparation: Most teacher training programs fail to offer robust civics-specific content or pedagogy. Many teachers begin their careers without having been taught how to handle current events, classroom debate, or constitutional instruction.

2. Fear of Controversy: Political polarization and public pressure have made teachers wary. The brief shows that many teachers avoid complex civic topics altogether to reduce risk, watering down instruction in the process.

3. Lack of Institutional Guidance: With vague state standards and little district-level clarity, civics teachers are left to guess at what’s acceptable, heightening uncertainty and inconsistency in classrooms.

4. Fragmented Civic Purpose: Without shared training or common goals, teachers bring divergent views of civic education to the classroom—undermining coherence and weakening the civic mission of public education.

This is the third major civics education policy brief from the O’Connor Institute. Together, these reports form a growing body of research aimed at strengthening civic learning and trust across generations.

The new brief concludes with practical recommendations for education leaders and policymakers: invest in stronger teacher preparation, provide clear and content-rich standards, support educators who tackle challenging topics, and build school cultures that model inquiry, complexity, and respectful disagreement.

As the United States approaches its 250th anniversary, we are reminded that our system of government is not self-sustaining. It must be taught—clearly, confidently, and without fear. That starts with teachers who are prepared, supported, and empowered to pass on the civic inheritance every American deserves.

You can check out the full brief here.

If you’re still here because this is a Substack about parents relearning civics, I’m really glad you’ve stuck with me. Parenting has its chapters and so does civics, and there are times I’ve needed an escape from both.

Gus is still too young to know what “civics” really means, but he’s not too young to start learning what humanity means. And so while I haven’t been fully ready to get back to “civics” per se, I’m excited to say that we’re bringing back Storytime with Civic EQ in partnership with , LA’s oldest independent bookstore and my neighborhood bookseller.

If you are in the LA area, join us this Sunday for Back to School with Civic EQ, where we have two very special guest readers, Annie LaFerriere and Kevin LaFerriere (one-half of The Dumb Dad Podcast!) reading two very special Civic EQ-endorsed books that will be sure to make you feel better about humanity and more confident raising good humans.

More soon,

Sarah

In unfortunate ways, the word “civics” has a dirty ring to it. I’m not in the mindset, or head space, to champion the original idea of parents re-learning civics so we can inspire civic-minded kids. At least not without a level of disingenuousness I don’t normally go for.

In the first 3-ish months of 2025, I’ve watched my readership grow exponentially, thanks to two loyal, longtime civic allies with thriving Substacks. With each notification, I feel at best conflicted; at worst, a fraud.

I don’t want to think about civics right now.

My canned speech is starting to fall flat, especially to my own ears:

When I think about “civics”, I feel fatigued and sad — NOT the energy I want to bring to a Substack based on the idea of “civic parenting”.

Recently, someone I’ve become close to as part of this wildly manic motherhood journey said something to me that was so profound, yet so simple.

Civics is a long game.

And if right now, I feel tired and demotivated because of the things we’re living, that’s the privilege of playing the long game.

It may shift in a month, or a year, or possibly years from now. I hope to bounce back sooner. But in the meantime, I’m just sad and tired — from a civics point of view. And also, there are other things happening in life that are joyful, happy and meaningful, and I want to focus on those things.

If you are an intentional subscriber of Civic EQ, I want to acknowledge how incredibly lucky I am to have piqued your interest. If you go away before I’m truly ready to reengage — that’s beyond fair. If you want to stick with me for the rocky ride, even better. For the foreseeable future, these posts will be sporadic. There will only be posts when I find something truly energizing or inspiring and feel like I’m cutting through the terrible noise. But as my mom village reminded me, civics is a long game (just like life) and we’ve got to roll with the punches. Right now, I feel civically punched in the nose. But I have faith that that is not going to be the longterm MO. I hope you do too.

xoxo

Sarah

I’ve had lots of time to think these last 6 weeks. When I posted a few weeks ago that I’d been down with the flu, I had no idea my bingo card was only half full.

We’ve officially joined the preschool/winter plague club and even for a Type A overachiever, I’m just stunned at how quickly we got status. I’m waiting for the miles boost or the platinum medallion whatever whatever for having bumped our way to the top in such a wildly short amount of time. The only thing we’re missing is Covid, but having just slogged through the flu, RSV, Norovirus and an ear infection that made me cry, Covid can’t possibly be worse. Right now, it feels like my brain is broken and my immune system is gone. And I start a new job on Monday. But that’s still four days away. Anything can happen between now and Monday.

I’m not good at being sick. No one really is, of course, I know. But as my therapist of 12 years pointed out this week, I almost never get sick and this has been a doozy. My immunity has met its match in this elfish, almost three year old germ magnet that I willingly brought into my home.

How do people do it? I count myself lucky to be in a position to have childcare, a great preschool, the support of neighbors and friends — and yet. Life will be disrupted. The germs don’t know that I start a big new job on Monday and just want to feel like the best version of myself. Will I magically rise to the occasion in four days? I sure hope so. But if the last 33-ish months of parenthood have taught me anything, it’s that I don’t know a single thing and the sooner I learn to go with the flow, the better.

Sending healthy vibes to everyone parenting or caretaking in wintertime.

More soon,

Sarah

Stereotypically, French parents abstain from overly-sentimental parenting as an extension of being hopelessly pragmatic about human nature. The only parenting book I read when I was pregnant was Bringing Up Bébé: One American Mother Discovers the Wisdom of French Parenting. I finished it in one sitting, partly because I was very pregnant and partly because it read like a memoir, and I came away deeply connected to the concept of French motherhood. I loved the author’s observations on things like attachment, socialization and nutrition, and how things are done differently in France than in the US. I shaped a lot of my parenting style from that book, but there was also just an innate alignment in how I saw myself becoming a mother.

Anyway, if you’re in need of a French escape right now, I highly recommend these three series.

What does French entertainment have to do with civics? Nothing! Like you, I’m still just trying to find my way back into the conversation. As promised, I’m revisiting the archives and pulling out the gems. And I feel like this post on Civic Self-Care couldn’t be a more perfect place to start… especially the part about finding your civic village. Because I don’t know about you, but the news is a real trigger for me these days and if I’m going to stay reasonably informed, I want to hear from voices I trust who embrace an under-appreciated style called nuance.

Civic Glimmer of the Week

Gus has been really into ripping paper lately. I like to think it’s sensory over destructive… but whatever’s behind it, I’ve been using it to find ways to talk about the environment and start planting little seeds that maybe (maybe!) will lead to more awareness as he gets older. I happened upon a new climate newsletter a few weeks ago that has been helping with this a lot.

Anything I can read in under 2 minutes that somehow infuses optimism with here’s-what-you-can-do-as-one-little-person is my sweet spot these days. , the founder of one5c, describes the newsletter as “an optimistic, action-focused climate publication” that “serves up deeply reported pieces that focus on achievable, realistic changes you can make to your life that will lower your impact on the planet.” The reads are short, the calls to action are doable, and it’s a helpful reminder that small changes really do add up.

More soon,

Sarah

I didn’t realize how buzzy the word “pause” had become until I subliminally knew it was necessary while I gathered my post-November thoughts, absconded into the holiday season, and returned to LA to a 3+ week-long sickness that started as the flu and ended up like an adolescent ear infection.

I’ve been recovering amidst evacuation warnings and widespread devastation and grief from the fires; coming to terms with friends and colleagues losing their homes as I wind down the job that was the reason we migrated to the west coast and started our life as a family of 3 (plus JoJo) here instead of New York, the city I never imagined leaving until we did. I’ve been mentally preparing to start a new job, one that is in every way a dream come true, my own Hollywood Oliver Twist story, finding my footing as a lifelong east coaster acclimating to air quality indices and wind alerts and the constant hum of air purifiers.

With all the unknowns, one thing keeps coming back to me: civics is bigger than politics. And, the idea that it’s incumbent on all of us — especially those of us raising small humans — to feel that in an unshakeable way.

I still don’t quite know how to come back to the conversation, but I know I’m not alone in that sentiment. I’ve said from the beginning: parents don’t have the luxury of despair.

We can’t throw up our hands.

We (in procreating) made this deeply optimistic choice to contribute to humanity and for better or worse, we’re going to leave this earth just a bit kinder, more empathetic, more tolerant and yes, more civically-minded than the generation before us.

Another buzzy word has been top of mind these past few weeks: glimmer.

This week, as part of my coming-back-to-civics, I’m mining the archives of the past 15 months since I started this Substack to craft a “Best of Civic EQ” post for all the new subscribers I’ve had since the Great Pause of November 6, 2024.

The “best of” post will be geared towards highlighting the most meaningful resources/civics advice I uncovered in my quest to help parents not only raise civic-minded kids, but to reengage in our own civic journeys. Mine included, btw.

Because to be totally frank — I’m drained by the way I feel every time someone asks me how Civic EQ is going. I don’t want to say “I’m intentionally not thinking about civics,” because it isn’t really true. I showed up for this Substack religiously for over a year as a young mother and career entertainment lawyer and it was positively thriving. But like most of us, I needed to recalibrate.

Stay tuned for the next post. I think it will make you see that there really are civic “glimmers” every day. People showing up for each other, and our youngest citizens doubling down on things like the environment, and helping others — the things that make civics so distinguishable from politics. Yes, politics will always be there. That’s a given. But then there’s the chance for a civics renaissance that parents are uniquely positioned to make happen. Let’s do it.

More soon,

Sarah

Some of the movies I’m most proud of were grueling labors of love where I genuinely suffered to find a rhythm amidst the chaos. When the dust settles, I’m always able to see where my painfully organized mind came in handy to make something bigger than me.

Sometimes we need to suspend belief in the way we think it’s all supposed to happen.

Focus on the long game.

And never lose sight of the medicinal power of knowing You’ve Got Mail is there when you need it.

More soon,

Sarah

Whoever came up with the idea that parents get to re-live childhood couldn’t have been thinking about Hallelujah v. Halloween parties (clever, if you’re into that kind of thing), but yes: Halloween is truly a new holiday to me. Hocus Pocus, spooky decorations, costumes, all being discovered just before 40. Gus loves Halloween and everything that comes with it. He’s already hooked on a classic that transports us from one season to the next, The Nightmare Before Christmas, or as he calls it, “Halloween/Christmas”, and he was born for the costume life.

I also have lots of lost costume time to make up for, which is why I was SO EXCITED when Tamar said she wanted to dress up as Mary Poppins because that meant I had to be Mrs. Banks, not because she’s the mom from Mary Poppins, but because she was a suffragette.

All it took was a sharpie and a little imagination and voila. My first real Halloween.

What does Halloween have to do with the government’s ability to go through your things? Nothing!

The Fourth Amendment

The Bill of Rights, also known as the first 10 amendments to the Constitution, isn’t something we think about on a daily basis.

If you’re an SVU or NCIS enthusiast, you probably know all about the Fourth Amendment. If words like “warrants” and phrases like “probable cause” and “on your person” are your core entertainment vernacular, well, we watch different TV.

Basically, the Fourth Amendment protects against the government searching our possessions and homes without probable cause. The legal import of “probable cause” is so far beyond the scope of this Substack, but it essentially means the government needs to have “reasonable grounds” for thinking a crime has been committed before they can search your “person”, your car, your home, etc. to find evidence that that crime actually happened.

Lindsey Cormack suggests in her book How to Raise a Citizen (And why it’s up to you to do it) that younger kids may relate to the concept of protecting their things from parent and teacher oversight (Halloween candy stash?), making the Fourth Amendment the perfect set up for nailing the oh-so-well-received point that parents and teachers don’t have to abide by the federal amendment rules against searches and seizures (because I said so is enough).

For older kids asserting independence in a real way, it’s also helpful to know that school and home “search and seizure” rules are not subject to the Fourth Amendment’s limitations, though teenagers just starting to drive may benefit from knowing the import of the Fourth Amendment if they’re pulled over by law enforcement.

points out the more contemporary implications of the Fourth Amendment when it comes to DNA (23 & Me folks?) and data privacy — another idea for a conversation-starter.

Hope this Fourth Amendment skim was helpful, even if it only ever becomes relevant when binging true crime shows on Netflix.

More soon,

Sarah

Anyone who subscribes to this Substack receives a welcome email that shares why I’m here. Over 10 years ago, I started writing a children’s book about a raccoon who gets inspired by her dad, a raccoon judge, to form a club of little animal lawyers and help solve little animal issues. Years later, I sat across from Aaron Sorkin at a diner as he encouraged me to find a way to inspire our youngest citizens to care about things they weren’t seeing modeled in our leaders. A few years after that, all of us went through another election that shattered relationships. And a few years after that, I became a mom to a gorgeous boy named Gus, and for the first time in my life, I lost sight of my mental health and had to work harder than I’ve ever worked to get back on track.

I speak openly about this because we need openness to help each other. I had to find a new village. My longtime therapist and I worked diligently to find a perinatal psychiatrist. I found a weekly Zoom support group through Postpartum Support International (PSI) that specialized in my diagnosis of Perinatal OCD (a support group so in demand that if you didn’t sign up first thing on Tuesdays for the following Tuesday session, there was a waiting list). I readily accepted that SSRI’s were going to be part of my life if I wanted to survive and again, thrive.

Finding each of these resources came with an abundance of privilege. Having a longtime therapist and a partner who believed in me; the cognitive ability and financial privilege of being able to piece together how to make it through. I had just started to feel like the fog was lifting as I finished 3 months of maternity leave and prepared to go back to the job I started when I was six months pregnant. I was beyond eager to get out of the house but not sure how I was supposed to leave this three month old burrito with someone other than Matt. I was lucky enough to work from home as I transitioned back to the office, but to be honest I was just as nervous about the idea of having someone always around, in my home, seeing my process of getting back to myself.

And then the person who would complete my village walked into our lives.

When Tamar joined our family, she was 27 and I was 37. She’d been working with infants since she was 18. None of my closest friends had had kids yet. I’d held all but two babies (my nephews) before having Gus.

Let me tell you: a 10-year age gap disappears quickly when you can rely on someone’s experience for survival. She was Mary Poppins and I was the weakest link.

I still remember the first time she took him for a walk outside. I sat her down and said, “Look. I know you’ve walked dozens of babies in dozens of strollers, but I have to say this out loud — no matter what, you have to fully stop the stroller at every street corner, lock the breaks, unlock, and then keep going. Even if a car isn’t coming. I just have to know that you’ll do that.”

I have literally never seen so much compassion and understanding coming back to me.

What I didn’t realize at the beginning was how my identity as a mother was going to take shape once I had the kind of support I needed to find my confidence.

Over the last two plus years, I’ve come up with lots of ways to describe Tamar. She’s my left arm (and I’m left-handed!). But truly, truly, truly, my handle on motherhood — delicate as it is for all of us — is one of the gifts Tamar gave me, and it’s a gift that unlocked more than I ever expected.

When I walked away from a 3-book publishing deal that I knew in my heart wasn’t right, I felt like years of hard work had slipped away. I had finally gotten to a place where I was ready to go back to the things that I loved, and it just wasn’t happening. I had to clear the deck and start from scratch. At that point, I had seen Tamar in action. Gus was a happier baby than I ever imagined. She was a parent coach, life coach, early childhood development guru and caretaker extraordinaire all wrapped up in a bundle of energy and positivity. She was innovative and creative and inspired. I knew that she loved to write. She had helped me unlock motherhood. What if we started writing together?

I started this Substack a year ago and promised to find a way to help parents get through the election with hope, positivity and maybe even a little humor.

As I emerged from my postpartum chapter, I finally got to refocus on my everyday phobias and neuroses. Fear of flying. Fear of heights. Driving on the freeway at night. I’d listened to Tamar talk about NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming), a set of techniques that looks at how our thoughts can positively change our behavior and the way we relate to the world, and seen how she applied it to everything from caregiving to achieving goals. As this charged election season comes to an end, I asked Tamar to give us the basics of NLP because I think it’s an amazing tool to have in our civic parenting toolbox.

Civic Parenting x NLP: Training Our Brain to Amplify Positives

Sarah and I started working together raising her beautiful, smart and funny baby boy Gus just after I finished my NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) certification with a mission to help others, including parents, to have tools for harder days.

For me, NLP was a tool for changing behaviors and thoughts in a positive way.  

When Sarah started Civic EQ a year ago, I was wowed by her and her mission. Today I’m the Chief Creative Officer of Civic EQ and author of our future books (stay tuned!!!). I’m honored to write this post today and I’m very grateful for the opportunity to share with you what I learned from NLP.

So let’s jump in! 

What does NLP mean? 

Let’s start with the name.

N-Neuro

L-Linguistic

P-Programming.

NLP is a method that works on changing the way we think and behave from negative to positive. Our brain’s natural automatic reaction is to think negatively when situations happen or when external things affect us. Professional therapists and qualified professional instructors use NLP-guided imagination exercises to help patients change habits and thinking patterns. But there are more than just guided imagination exercises. Therapists and instructors also help their patients with NLP tools such as targeted questionnaires and targeted exercises to change behaviors.

NLP can be a great tool for anyone who wants to change the way they view the world, and it can be a great tool to help kids deal with the big world around them.

How is NLP connected to civic engagement? 

The other day I asked my mom, Dalia Sternberg (PhD, Bibliotherapist and psychotherapist, trauma specialist, integrating EMDR, SE and DBT therapies) for her opinion on how civics and therapy are connected.

Her answer was everything I thought it would be. Civics, at its core, is everything a person is asking for: to feel safe, to feel sense of community, to feel part of a change and to feel involved.

It got me thinking about how to introduce civics and NLP.

NLP and civics have a tight relationship: we all want to feel integrated into a community and to live in a world we feel safe in. NLP tools and other therapy techniques are here to give us peace of mind – we are on the right path if we care for ourselves and the people around us.  

Identifying sources of inspiration is one of the tools of NLP. Here is a little exercise that you can do yourself, with your kids and the people you care about. I hope this little taste of NLP will inspire you to see civics differently and practice a lifestyle of civic engagement with your kids.

Think of five historical or literary figures who are a model of inspiration for you and answer the questions:

1.    What values did they have that you admire?

2.    Which of these values do you apply in your life and in what context?

3.    Which of these values do you not apply in your life yet and how can you adopt them into your life?

Feel free to share your answers with us!

Love,

Tamar Bergman 

Check out our favorite NLP books for parents and kids on the Civic EQ Book Club page!

I recently had my first freelance piece published where I was referred to as a “civic parenting expert”.

Let me just say this: no one else has tried claiming this title and I’m just as happy to take it. But here’s what I think actually makes a civic parenting expert.

The answer is self-awareness. It’s knowing that we’re capable of doing better and that there’s room for improvement. It’s the humility that comes with realizing that our physical wellbeing is, from here on out, under siege. It’s understanding and accepting that our sense of belonging changes profoundly with age, along with our metabolism, skin elasticity, and fortitude for hangovers.

Isn’t getting older grand?

For one, you can use words like grand.

At the tender age of 39, I’ve found myself living in a city that doesn’t champion maturity of age. Although I have to say, having just sat in a big room at the Beverly Hilton celebrating the most enviably accomplished, talented, beautiful women gathered to celebrate Hollywood icons who are all well over 40 — there is a quietly powerful strength that comes with aging.

Our generation is tasked with making the most of the opportunities that women like Jane Fonda, Annette Bening, Kate Winslet and others fought so hard for. We have an equally inherent opportunity in changing the course of our generation and the next two (“we” being millennials, the next two being Gen Z and Gen Alpha) when it comes to civics (and maybe even politics, but that’s outside of my expert domain). I think about civics disproportionately more than the next parent, and for that reason I’m OK being called a civic parenting expert. But as my article explains, we can (and should) invoke the inherent strengths millennials have been gifted with to change the course of civic history.

We’ll pick up next Friday with the Fourth Amendment!

More soon,

Sarah

Before your eyes glaze over, let me take you on a short digression that is less about civics and more about the psychology of women’s wear. If you think I can’t somehow tie it back to civics, you might be right.

I went on a closet cleanse a few months ago and signed up for The Real Real. The experience was so positive. A stylish redhead showed up at my door, took over my closet, had stellar things to say with some equally humbling feedback, and left me with an expansive optimism on everything from empty closet space to my evolved sense of (simplistic) fashion to a renewed curiosity in feng shui. I’m a late bloomer having never consigned clothes before, and this was an effortless way to do it. I get emails every time something sells. The commission is clear and concise, and for the most part, I don’t even feel like I’m getting hosed.

This morning, the dress that defined my twenties (and early thirties) sold for a quaint $64.

I don’t remember exactly how much I bought it for in the Maje boutique on Bleecker and Bank Street in the West Village circa 2014, but it seems to me the retail depreciation was approximately -85% in 10 years.

All I can tell you is I had no business buying it ten years ago, except that I can honestly say I made the most of it.

Here’s The Real Real’s professional rendering on an AI mannequin!

Cute, right? Feminine, well-made, too short to be worn without tights. But man, this was the dress of my coming up in New York. I wore it to the premiere of Aaron Sorkin’s STEVE JOBS at Lincoln Center. It accompanied me to a quite bougie Breitling watch gala. I watched Alfonso Cuarón be honored at an intimate dinner at the Museum of Modern Art in that dress. I took it to the premiere of an Oscar Isaac film at the Toronto Film Festival. And countless more things I’m not thinking of.

When I got the email this morning telling me the Maje dress had sold, it finally felt like saying goodbye to all that. At least, for now. It never quite fit the same after I had Gus, which I suppose is the point. I’m sending all the best vibes to whoever landed this gem for $64 and hope it brings them as much happiness, confidence and self-evolution as it brought me.

And in Carrie Bradshaw-style, I started to wonder: how has media literacy evolved since I was that carefree twenty something taking it all in?

Kidding.

But I do want to make the point that the spectrum of disinformation/misinformation (these are two different things, I learned recently) has similarly evolved since most of us started paying attention to the news. Remember how real the Nigerian prince emails used to seem? We don’t fall for those anymore, but just like our wardrobe, misinformation has become more sophisticated (OK I’m done with the fashion analogies).

What is Media Literacy?

Exercising media literacy is a fancy way of saying always be curious about the veracity of what you read and try to model that curiosity for your kids.

Media Literacy Now defines “media literacy” as the ability to:

• Decode media messages (including the systems in which they exist);

• Assess the influence of those messages on thoughts, feelings, and behaviors; and

• Create media thoughtfully and conscientiously.

This learned skill has obviously become so much more complex since we were kids. Nowadays there are YouTubers and TikTok stars who serve as primary sources for kids. Adults aren’t any more insulated from the spread of misinformation, disinformation or mal-information.

Former Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O’Connor’s organization iCivics sums it up perfectly in How to Teach Critical Thinking in the Digital Age, arguing that curiosity is a potent weapon for combating misinformation and disinformation in the digital age. Here at Civic EQ, we consistently talk about curiosity as the antidote to so many things ailing the world, and so it’s no surprise that curiosity and critical thinking are two skills that underly the strong thread between civics and emotional intelligence.

Finally, I leave you with a reliable list of fact-checking sources (I’ve checked out them all).

• AllSides

• AP Fact Check

• Factcheck.org

• Ground News

• Media Bias Fact Check

• Newsguard

• Reuters Fact Check

• Politifact

As we head towards Election Day, keep in mind that if something sounds weird, over the top, or more doomsday than is normal, get curious and drill down. Curiosity is the best muscle we can exercise towards media literacy.

More soon,

Sarah

Civic EQ’s community grew this week in a huge way thanks to Sarah and Beth at . Thank you for being here, thank you for caring about raising the next generation of emotionally intelligent, curious and engaged citizens, and for being part of our community of parents rethinking civics in a big big way.

On Wednesdays, I post personal anecdotes, civic inspiration and different perspectives to make civics a living and breathing thing. And on Fridays, we microdose civic knowledge.

What is Civic EQ?

My mission is to empower parents to be confident in our own civic journey. I started this Substack almost a year ago, and in that time I’ve collaborated with Sesame Workshop, PBS Kids, Melissa & Doug Toys, civic-minded celebrities and more to amplify the message that civics is so much bigger than politics. I didn’t fully feel this until I became a mom, but parenthood being the insane catalyst that it is for self-growth (coupled with some setbacks, progress isn’t always linear!), I feel it more and more every day. Especially in these wildly divisive times where most of us feel drained by the idea of politics. But I’m going to go out on a limb here and say it’s not always going to be this way. If you read , you know it’s been bad before but there’s reason to hope. I don’t think that humans are gluttons for punishment. I think that we’re wired for optimism and a rooted belief that the world can be better with each new generation. And as I wrote in my first freelance piece (coming out Sunday!!), millennial parents were built for civic parenting. We know we can be better, we know how to figure out how we can be better, and we’re not throwing in the towel.

Microdosing civics together + Friday signed book giveaway

Fridays are my version of a crisis management plan. Civics needs a facelift, a PR strategy, a new narrative in bite-sized pieces. So each Friday, using Lindsey Cormack’s parenting playbook How to Raise A Citizen (and why it’s up to you to do it), we’re microdosing civic knowledge written specifically with parents in mind.

Lindsey is talking to us, she sees us, she’s one of us — except she’s an expert on civics and government and we’re works in progress.

I’m also giving away a signed copy of Lindsey’s book to the first person to message me that they followed me on Instagram (@civiceq).

Let’s get into it.

Our last microdose was on the Second Amendment, so today is about the Third Amendment.

No soldier shall, in time of peace be quartered in any house, without the consent of the Owner, nor in time of war, but in a manner to be prescribed by law.

The Third Amendment isn’t nearly as talked about today as the First, Second or Fourth Amendments, which seems like the whole point of an amendment disallowing the government from allowing soldiers to take over homes when we’re not at war. We don’t have to think about it because it’s just not a thing. But it was!

Historically (particularly during the Revolutionary War and other military conflicts), Americans were forced to house soldiers preparing for war, and it was probably scary and disruptive and not-so-distant reminder of the shitty things King George used to do back in England.

Technically, the Third Amendment also says citizens can’t be forced to take in soldiers during wartime too, but there’s a caveat that allows Congress to do it if it has to (just something to be aware of as an informed citizen).

That’s all I’ve got for today but the Fourth Amendment promises to be more relevant, juicier and memorable, so stay tuned.

More soon,

Sarah

I watched so many Gilmore Girl episodes. I made friends with the room service person and scored many complimentary Gingerales. By the time I surfaced for brunch on Saturday afternoon, I had finally figured life out.

In some ways, I was an early bloomer. I read Gone With the Wind in the fourth grade. I skipped eighth grade. I graduated from college in three and a half years. And then I Benjamin Button’d my way through my twenties and early thirties. On paper, I had my shit together. Duke Law, top law firm, apartment in the West Village, animal shelter fundraisers in Southampton (my brain, free associating just how much I looked like things were good). But there was such a disproportionately tiny amount of meaning. My focus was entirely on my first place and second place — where I lived and where I worked. The concept of a “third place” didn’t enter my orbit until recently.

The idea of a “third place” — somewhere you find meaning and connection outside of home and the workplace — isn’t new (at all). It’s been embedded in our pop culture of choice, something we gravitate towards ironically from the comfort of our home: Central Perk, the diner in Stars Hollow, Cheers, a place where everyone knows your name. Like many other things having to do with social interaction and community, modern life has pulled us away from third places.

Third places and the essence of civics

If you read this Substack consistently, you know where this is going! Part of building a civics “toolbox” is finding a third place. It’s integral to finding your civic village. It’s just as worthwhile an endeavor as microdosing basic civic knowledge about the 3 branches of government and the Constitution, and guaranteed to be more therapeutic and fun.

Humans are wired for connection and community and I think parenthood lends itself for finding both of these things. Whether you’re in search of a third place to escape your kids and/or discover a part of yourself that isn’t linked to family or career (because it can totally be both), finding your “third place” is tantamount for a Myers’ cocktail for the soul. And yes, civics at its finest.

More soon,

Sarah

There’s just so much to be thankful for as a millennial parent. We don’t mind asking for help. We’re not afraid of SSRI’s. We have to tell us we’re doing a great job on a weekly basis (in a text!!). Big Little Feelings is there to remind me that all toddlers are emotional terrorists and if I raise my voice, I’m not a bad parent.

And, we don’t run away from talking about mental health.

In honor of World Mental Health Day (especially less than a month before the presidential election), I am sending my favorite mental health mantras that relate to civics.

• Think of civic engagement as self-care. minted this idea and it stuck, because she is a millennial, she gets millennials, and she knows that this generation has a healthy respect for self-care as a form of wellness. Even if we’re not in control of a single thing, being informed is just as potent a form of self-care as anything else.

• Civics is so much bigger than politics. I cannot say this enough. This is a spiritual mantra to me, and so important to remember, especially as a parent.

• Microdosing (information) is the best way to make great strides. Small steps, big wins.

• Find your village. I have a virtual civic village that teaches me, makes me think, keeps me on my toes, and reminds me constantly why I do what I do. , , , , are part of my daily civic journey. I have a real-life civic village too (you know who you are!) that keeps me laughing, learning and most importantly, deeply connected. Find your people.

The Civic Influencer Saving My Week

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about bringing in different points of view from parents who have more experience than me, and then, JUST LIKE THAT, Sarah and Beth from recorded two episodes on talking to kids about the election (the first one came out on Tuesday and is linked here, and the second one comes out tomorrow).

Gus is barely two and a half and it’s going to be a beat before I have these conversations with him, but being the earnest millennial parent that I am, I binged the first episode and even re-listened to part of it.

Truly, everything I do with Civic EQ comes down to being prepared to having these conversations and raising this boy to be kind, compassionate, curious, respectful of others, articulate, and open-minded… all the things I fully believe are foundational to being a good citizen of the world.

Give it a listen!

More soon,

Sarah

Therapy is a journey. It’s the biggest investment of time and money I’ve ever consistently made in myself and my life would never look like what it does without it. I joke that my therapist is my longest stable relationship. And there have been many “breakthroughs” in the last 11 years (I’m an excellent student). But truly, truly, truly. Go through the hell of finding the one that works for you. It is beyond worthwhile.

It wouldn’t make sense to describe the breakthrough and without the context of my entire life story, you’d be bored. But it helped me hit on this idea of a “civic ethos” that I wanted to share with you.

I met another new friend through the Jason Alexander storytime, a young dad who brought his daughter, and before the “show” started, he tapped me on the shoulder and said “you know, I don’t think I actually know what ‘civics’ is.”

I was definitely nervous (about to introduce Jason Alexander, HELLOOO) and I think I said something about community and how we treat one another (or I hope I did).

When I set out to start this Substack almost a year ago, I wrote that I wanted to create a civics “toolbox” for parents. There is civic knowledge that you can memorize and be empowered by, and then there’s the ethos of it — the part that is more explainable as a feeling, or with words like the ones below. A new friend posted this really beautiful thing on Instagram today and I felt it so deeply.

I hope your weekend is filled with small kindnesses.

More soon,

Sarah

Tell me you don’t feel the crisp air!

Now that I’ve managed to drop a Carrie Bradshaw quote into a post about great civics books for kids, let’s get into it.

It’s binge season. Curl up with a good book, pull up the blanket, bring out the fuzzy socks.

To kick off Civic EQ’s Book Bingo Challenge, I’m pointing you in the direction of some really special books to binge with your kids in the month leading up to the election. Find a virtual way to mark them off or print the card below and turn it into civic art with different stickers for each box (if you need a printable PDF, just send me a message).

But first, I have to give Jason Alexander major props for working overtime for civics this past weekend.

We hosted our second Storytime with Civic EQ on Saturday morning to a packed bookstore.

It was a total pinch me moment.

He read one of my favorite children’s books ever, Click Clack Moo, Cows that Type (check out my interview with the brilliant author Doreen Cronin last month) and helped officially introduce the Book Bingo Challenge.

We gave away so many baby-sized tote bags.

But seriously it was so packed!

One of the best videos ever captured on an iPhone:

In my very brief opening remarks (as Jason needs no introduction), I noted that probably every adult in the room felt like they grew up with Jason Alexander. It’s true. “Civics” might not be a destination topic for most of us, but nostalgia and solid entertainment brought everyone in, and it was a real win.

Let’s start reading!!

• Check out ’ post 5 Kids’ Books About Voting. I love the way Sri Juneja writes about her memory of the first time she voted.

• by is a weekly guide to children’s books, raising readers, and how to build a culture of reading in your home. She has a fabulous post on Children’s Books About Values where she makes a compelling distinction between moralistic, overly-didactic children’s books and ones that organically convey values we all want for our little ones (without screaming VALUES!!!).

• I also loved this: A Growing List of Picture Books about Citizenship by the non-profit Doing Good Together, whose mission is to empower families to raise kids that care about kindness and helping others.

Happy fall and happy reading.

More soon,

Sarah